You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Randomize
