We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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