Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
