Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
