Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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