I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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