Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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