Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
