it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
