My first STD was from a foam party
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
The chlamydia really affected his face.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize