Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
