I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
