I have demons in me.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Drunk is not a location!
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
