dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
