I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I will pee on everything he values.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
