So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
