Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
