I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
