..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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