..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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