I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
i think my cat just said my name.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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