I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
