I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
