Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
