I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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