you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
