Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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