i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
