R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
he thought i was a dude.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
