I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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