Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
my being single is dangerous.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
