p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
it's like iHOP with fire
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
