ya dads aren't the best wingmen
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
