Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Randomize
