I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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