either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
NoShamevember. You game?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Randomize
