does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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