Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
