That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
