Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
