I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
