I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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