apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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