he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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