the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
