I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
