one two three fourrrrnication!
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
