Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
