Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
