She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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