PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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