My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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