With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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