She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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