How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
