I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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