You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
