I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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