Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
i believe in u and ur pee
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