dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Come see our sink grown plant.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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