weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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