My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
