A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
