You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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