OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
