Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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