Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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