Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
