You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I can tuck mytits in my pants
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
