oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
