highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
