He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
