Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
