the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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