when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Randomize
