What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
