this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
