I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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