did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
