I wannas sexs uuuuu
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
