shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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