I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Come on in and take your pants off
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