Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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