yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
