just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
