I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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