is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Boobs are out for the taking
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Just puked most of my soul out..
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