we're chasing vodka with high fives
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize